By Monica Clark MSN, APRN, FNP-C, CLC
There are many new trends in parenting, one of them being the topic of Conscious Discipline. What is Conscious Discipline?
Conscious Discipline solves the “Do as I say, not as I do” parenting dilemma. It is vastly different from the parenting traditions of years past. The change is from an unconscious, traditional compliance model of discipline to a conscious, relationship-based, community model. Conscious Discipline is based on human connection. It focuses on social-emotional learning and relationship building rather than outlined roles. It helps parents learn parenting strategies based on safety, connection, and problem-solving rather than external rewards and punishments. Let’s examine the differences.
Traditional Discipline:
- Rules govern behavior
- Good behavior = external rewards
- Bad behavior= punishment (in the form of fear, shame, or pain)
- Goal = Obedience
Conscious Discipline:
- Connection governs behavior
- Controlling and changing ourselves is possible and has a profound impact on our children
- Conflict is an opportunity to teach
- Goal = Relationship
Conscious Discipline is based on 3 components: Safety, Connection, and Problem Solving.
- Safety, in the sense of self-regulation. Safety requires us to regulate our inner states and take responsibility for our thoughts, feelings, and actions. The skill of composure helps us create a sense of safety in our environment by allowing us to stay calm enough to focus on what we want our children to do/learn from this moment.
- Connection through encouragement, choices, and empathy. Connection directs the flow of information to the brain, where fear, shame, and pain will block the absorption of information.
- Problem-solving with positive intent and consequences. Conscious Discipline is not free of consequences; it is about using consequences effectively.
- Natural consequences
- Logical consequences that are Related- Respectful- Reasonable
- No empty threats
- Followed by empathy
Conscious Discipline improves parent-child interactions, improves children’s social and emotional behavior, reduces aggression, increases academic readiness and achievement, decreases impulsivity and hyperactivity, and improves caregivers’ social and emotional behavior.
Resources: Conscious Discipline by Dr. Becky Baily, Positive Parenting by Amy McCready, Study Examining SEL, Conscious Discipline Published in Journal of Research in Innovative Teaching & Learning by Ashley Cullins
